Love him or leave him . . . .

Love him or leave him  ?  

That is the question.

How can I stay with him, the betrayal of the worst kind,   

My heart ripped out of my chest, dripping with blood but no care or concern in his voice or gaze for my heartache. 

Stabbed in the back by the one who should have always had mine,  

Why, oh why did you do it ?  

The question to which there is no answer,  rather none that will satisfy my curiosity. 

You had everything,  all the others yearn for all their lives but you threw it all away for moments that meant nothing to you then,  and even little now.

Now you regret, now you see the damage done to another, by you and solely you.

I dont know myself, you made me feel wanted, desired and loved like you had no other . . . .then the years of lies,  deceit and betrayal came to the surface and my perception of all changed.

I lost who I was, why I was here, here with you. Should I stay and fight for the years spent together,  years that were to me bliss, I could ask for no more, grateful for all that I had, and that I had you.

But now I am left to wonder, did I do right to stay with you, living each day with a heavy heart, this pain will never go from my mind, pain you and you alone are responsible for my love. 

How could you deceive me so ?  

Words of forgive me and sorry are repetitive and mean less and less the more you say them, these same words you said to them, not meaning them at all, just to look good in everyone's eyes.

Should have I been brave enough to leave you and start afresh, not to think about you but the devastation you caused will always be there. But then some may say that I am the brave one to stay with you after all ive endured.

Even now I think, should I leave him, set myself free ? 

What will my existence be like without you ?  Will we actually get along better, as friends . . . Maybe  ?

Who knows  . . . . .you don't want to be alone, thats why you want me suddenly cos you cannot play your little game anymore, youve been exposed, they know the truth about you.

Cannot say if I love you, the words will come upon my lips.

Leave you, i dont know, maybe time will tell.

Love him, not really  . . . .leave him  ?  Not right now.